I am sitting in front of my computer with the rebuttal to my paper review open. And I know that I have to have it done today. Along with the grading of approximately 50 lab reports. And what am I doing?

I am looking at jewelry I can’t afford at Etsy. At least I can’t afford it for myself right now. And I wish I knew more people that I could give those kinds of gifts to. Maybe something for my Aunt. Maybe. But that is about it.

But what I am trying to get at here, is that I am totally procrastinating. I went into the lab and began the cleaning procedure for my next stupid project. I read some of the blogs that I used to go to everyday, but now I am lucky if I make it twice a week. And I keep looking at the crafty website thinking of all of the the things I want to make to put for sale.

So do you ever do EVERYTHING in your power to not work on work?

Apparently Doofus downstairs calls us “thunder lizzards”. Is that an insult? I mean, maybe the thunder part. But I don’t get the lizzard thing.

I looked at my calendar today and realized that I needed to cancel my appointment to turn my dissertation into graduate studies.

Because there is no way in hell I will have my dissertation written by Friday.

HAHAHAHA!

This year, like the past two years, we went to Winemonkey’s dad and stepmom’s house. It is about a 2 – 2.5 hour trek from my homestead, but it is generally worth it for the following reasons:
They are usually fun to hang out with
There are about 20 people at the house for dinner
We (as in Eric and I) cook a fabulous meal
They breed dogs so there are usually puppies at the house all year round
They have an African Grey parrot who curses like a sailor

This year it was anything but. You can read more below to see why I wasn’t so thankful for my thanksgiving dinner. Suffice to say, I will most likely be going to visit K-bear in Seattle next time around.

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Thanksigiving……you are supposed to think of all the things in your life that you are thankful for. Why can’t you do that the other 364 days in the year? Why does it have to be this particular day?

I for one try to think of something that I am thankful for everyday. This puts me in a better mood and makes me forget, if not for a second, how uncertain my life is. It gives me something to grab onto when I am having a particularly rough day.

For instance, today I am most thankful for my rationality. It gets me through some really hard times. If I wasnt at least slightly rational I would get myself into a lot of trouble, possibly hospitalized in an institution. But when the going gets rough, rational takes over. So today, today I am thankful for my rationality. Thanks for saving my ass! I raise my half-full glass to you!

I have this low-tech pointer that I use during my presentations. It looks a lot like a radio antenna. And when I give presentations, INEVITABLY someone always says, “Would you rather use my laser pointer?” And I always flatly refuse. “I don’t like laser pointers because it makes it completely apparent if I am shaking.”

Well today – Today my story has been changed for all eternity!

(Hed – you should give me your address. You NEED one of these. Read on.)

My scooter is broken so this morning I opened up the engine compartment so that I could take out the spark plug. When I reached into the compartment, I ran into a sticky web. Which scared me. Because no sooner did I touch the web did a BLACK FREAKING WIDOW come out from hiding. I repeat: A BLACK WIDOW! I was going to get it out with a screw driver because there was no way I could kill it in the small engine compartment. And then I thought that the screwdriver wasn’t nearly long enough for me to get the spider out without her getting up to my hand. That is when… you guessed it… I pulled out my telescopic presentation pointer, extend that thing to max length, and move that black widow right out of its home. The spider was about the size of a nickel. She must have been living in there for a long time.

The funny part is, I got her out of the scooter and accidentally flung her into the grass, so I lost her. Now there is a big black widow on the loose in front of our apartment.

But the best part is that now when someone asks me with judgement in their voice why I am using a low-tech pointer, I have a way better story as to why I prefer it to a laser pointer. Because damn – the worst damage I can do with a laser pointer is burn out her retinas and don’t spiders have like a hundred or something?