You know, I just realized that it is February 17th and that I didn’t write anything about Valentine’s Day. This is mostly because I think it is a bullshit holiday. I think that I read a bunch of blogs that day and thought that half of the people I read regularly either loved or hated it and everything I would have said was summed up by one or three of them. So I just skipped it.

So just to put it in perspective, my mom and dad and both of my grandmas sent me valentine’s day cards. My mom went as far to send my sister and I a gift basket containing a small amount of chocolate and nuts, which was from both her and my dad, but really, who are we kidding, I doubt my dad said, “Hey hon, let’s send the girls some chocolate.” Winemonkey and I aren’t planning on exchanging any sort of presents. I feel bad because I asked him to just write me a little note. I feel bad about this because he HATES when I tell him what to do for me on holidays. But this year he didn’t even get me a card for my birthday. Not because he isn’t considerate, but because we weren’t doing anything spectacular for my birthday and he was between jobs and there was just a whole lot of shit going down around my birthday. But anyway, he hates it when I say, “You know, it would be really nice if you would do ______ for [insert holiday here].” Mostly because I usually ruin the surprise. But this time when I said, “Could you please just get me card or something for Valentine’s day.” He said, “Is this like your birthday?” Because for my birthday I said, “Hey maybe next year, if we decide no presents, could you at least get me a card?” Anyway. I was sad because he didn’t think to.

But the truth is, that until I started writing this post, I totally forgot that I gave him shit about this “card or note” for Valentine’s Day and I am going to see him tomorrow and I don’t have anything to give to him. In my defense, on the actual day of Valentine’s day, I sent him and ecard. Not just any ecard, but one that had all kinds of personal jokes involved and one, that although free, was so personally specific for us that it was RIDICULOUS (thank you Sarcomical for sending me a card - if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have stumbled across the card that I sent Winemonkey).

I gotta get on the ball tomorrow morning. God!

p.s. It isn’t that my dad doesn’t come up with good presents. He just doesn’t come up with good present ideas regularly. Like the last great present I can remember getting from my dad was brackets for my coffee table because the legs were wobbly. I am not joking. I will have to think about it, but I think that was the last present he did all on his own without anyone’s help. And it was an awesome present. I will be able to pass that table down to my children and my children’s children.

I wanna be a baker. Just like Betty Crocker.

I went to see my life coach today. I told her about the weirdest dream ever and she said, “that is the most powerful dream I have ever heard from a client.” She then proceeded to tell me why……..and let me tell ya, her dream analysis skills are way more sophist-ma-cated than mine.

1. The church and the church attic- a sign of enlightenment and my higher power or self.
2. Litter box and toilet - a sign of all the shit I have had to endure in the past.
3. Stairs in decending material order - my step back to reality and my roots.
4. The man chasing me - my fears haunting me and trying to catch up to me.
5. My hovering at the bottom - becoming one with my higher self.
6. The man who was chasing me standing at the bottom landing staring at me not wanting to come near me - I have conquered my fears and now I am at peace with myself.

Wow. Seriously this dream has been such a turning point in the way I have been thinking lately. I can’t even begin to explain it. It really is like this cloud has been lifted. I feel like I am myself again and I havent felt that way in quite some time. I get the chills talking and writing about it that is how powerful and significant it feels right now.

This has been an interesting day. I emailed some guy about a potential research job and ten minutes after I sent the email he called me. So I have an appointment with him tomorrow after my class. The chair of the department I am teaching for has been super helpful with all of this kind of stuff. It is really strange. Way more helpful than my boss.

SoIn light of this, I now have a new-found interest in finishing my dissertation. It dawned on me today that I have lost half a month already.

So last night, right before I went to bed, I took a herbal supplement that is supposed to help clean out the toxins that are in your body due to stress. I think I have reconsidered taking this particular pill right before I go to bed. The stress was definitely released; however it was released in the form of my dreams.

The dream I had last night was by far the weirdest dream I have ever had. I only remember the last parts of it. I was on the roof of a church when someone started chasing after me. So I had to sneak in through an opened door that led me into the church attic. In the attic there was a toilet in the middle of the room that had caught on fire and was charred, a dirty cat litter box with litter all over the floor, and incense sticking out from the carpet around the litter box. The attic was very messy and cluttered, it kind of reminded me of the rooms where everyone did heroin in Trainspotting.

After sifting my way through the attic I started going down the flights of stairs inside the church. Each set of stairs was made out of different materials and changed at every landing. Some were marble, laminate, wood, concrete, etc…..that part was weird because they were all very intricate. In order to make better time I decided that I would start hopping over the railing to the next landing. Well after about 30 or so landings I finally made it to the basement of the church. The basement looked exactly like the basement where I used to go to catechism classes at my childhood catholic church (creepy). As soon as I hit the basement I started floating as though I was on a cross (arms spread and at an angle). I looked up and the person chasing me was at the bottom landing watching me float. At this point in my dream I started screaming, “Help me” in this really deep possessed sounding voice. In actuality I was screaming “Help me” in a really deep possessed sounding voice. I apparently woke my sister up and myself up.

How is that for symbolism? Everything that I get stressed out about came out in my dream. From the clutter (the attic), the charred toilet (evidence of a fire), my cat (the litter box) , my lack of spirituality (being in a church and experiencing trauma), trying to rush to get things done (hopping over the railing), starting a new job (trying to get to a new destination), and my tendency to run away from everything (running from someone chasing me). My brain works in very strange ways. I do feel like a cloud has been lifted from my brain and I have a little more clarity today. And I didn’t wake up feeling groggy and disoriented. So maybe freaking out in my dreams had a positive effect on my day. ??

Organic Chemistry text books.