I guess in a matter to keep on with the crying at least once every day, someone had to come in and tell me in front of my class that it didn’t look like I was doing my job.
What is to follow is a string of profanities so if you are my mother, or easily offended, don’t expand this entry:
I think I have successfully burned three bridges this week and it is only Wednesday. And quite honestly, I am tired of giving a shit. If I can’t come to work and work because I am too upset about things that are going on here, then why would I apply for a full time permanent job? Although I admit that there is nothing more depressing than sitting in the same office from 8 am until 7 pm, not talking to a single soul. Of course, I should be glad that it only happens 5 days a week and not six. I just feel like my life isn’t in my control any more. I am at the mercy of these spurts of complete and total unhappiness.
I had someone tell me that I didn’t know how to do my job in front of about six other people. I have people making decisions about how my classes are going to be run without consulting me first. And between this guy and Winemonkey, I have been told twice in the last month that I suck at my job.
You know, thinking that I am more than a quarter of the way through my appointment doesn’t even help. =(
But Winemonkey has been pretty supportive this month. Last month it was a different story and that was a drama all of its own. When I leave this place, and burn this bridge to the ground, I will give you the full details.
I have miraculously come out of the “funk” I was in for the past month. I think it began on Monday (of all days) that the fog started to roll back out to sea. I think it was mainly due to the work excursion to SoCal - at which I was wined and dined by a large car company. Staying at the Ritz for a night with your six course meal in your tummy and the 36″ plasma screen tv as your night light is not a bad way to start the week off. One of the many highlights of this trip was that I got to test drive the Sequel. One of only two cars in the world. Pretty rad. I do have to say that I am really getting into this whole car “thing”. It is alot of fun and I am learning a TON about vehicles and the technology of the future.
On another note - my cat. Today I took my cat to the vet for her annual shots. For those that know me and my horrific bitch of a cat know that she is “stressed” alot. What this normally means for me is a home welcoming that includes a nice pile of poop on the floor for me to clean up. Since I have been travelling alot for work this “stress” has increased in quantity. So while at the vet I voiced my concerns about my kitty ONE more time to which the doc replied, “Well there really isnt much you can do…..” Then she went to give my cat her shot. Funny thing….my kitty got “stressed” all over the doc. (HILAAARIOUS - I tried to refrain from laughing!) My cat is now on steroids for her “stress” a.k.a. irritable bowel syndrome. Suprisingly enough the pill was a cinch to administer. Surrounded it with this miracle invention called the pill pockets. My cat does not normally like treats - but holy crap she loved this thing. She was meowing for another right after I gave her one to try. This is a breakthrough people! It would be so nice to be able to leave the house for a day or two and not have to come home to a stinky house.
So overall I am going to have to go with - yeah I had a pretty good week. And it is nice to be on the upswing of my moods again. I missed being happy.
So there is this power struggle where I work between everyone and the one person that holds it all together. They say that the one who holds it together is a “obsessive-compulsive, passive agressive, control freak” who is super secretive in order to maintain control over everyone else. I used to think it was far-fetched. Then I thought I could see where they were coming from, but it didn’t really affect me. Now, it seems like it is affecting me and to be honest, I am at an impass. On one hand, things can just stay the way they are. I could keep working on my own and not freak out when this control freak doesn’t follow through.
Or I could become a dirty rat. The others have been sending emails to our boss telling her every time this other person screws up. Which is frequent. And everyone assumes it is because this person is a control freak. So should I follow suit and run the risk of being on the “wrong side” of the person I rely on the most for my job to go smoothly? Or do I just keep my mouth shut and hope things don’t get worse for me?
The best part is, I am temporary. So I can only imagine what it would be like if I was a permanent employee. Which I was going to apply for, but I don’t know if I could manage staying here for a long period of time.
