Today is the day!

Yesterday turned out to be truly wonderful. Winemonkey took me on an easy hike, then to this Puerto Rican restaurant (OUTSTANDING! Recommendations soon to come.). After lunch we took a nap then went to see Pan’s Labyrynth (Wow.) and then to K & L Bistro in Sebastopol (Again, I will tell you all about it later…).

We are going to breakfast with a couple of friends this morning and then Porter is coming over to make scrapbooks and other various things. =)

Well in two short days I will be turning 29. No really, not the perpetual 29, but the honest to god “doorway to 30″ 29. Here is how the birthday plans transpired.

1. My sister was going to come out with her boyfriend to spend time with us.
2. Winemonkey thought about planning a dinenr at a friend’s house, but it turned out that they were already having a dinner party for someone else.
3. We thought about having something at the house.
4. Everyone we were going to invite had other plans that they were will to rearrange so that they could come over for a little while.
5. I felt bad because I never plan anything in advance.
6. Winemonkey decided to forget the party and take me out all day Saturday as a surpise.
7. I figured that I would go out to Sacramento next weekend to celebrate, but it turns out that one of the group of four will be out of town on Saturday.
8. Who knows what is going to happen. All I know is that from now on, I am going to try and not celebrate my birthday anymore. It is just too hard with everyone all over the place.

Oh and I haven’t heard from my aunt. I’m okay with that. I can’t imagine what is going through her mind.

No really. I knew that I said that I would write more. And I have 10 journals entries documenting how I rushed across country to say goodbye to my dying grandma, watching her take her last breath right before my eyes, telling the household that she had died, reconnecting with family, grieving over losing the pillar of my father’s side of the family, and returning home to a place where I don’t fit in.

These posts are however trumped by the phone call I got from my aunt (10 minutes after I walk into my house in CA) essentially calling me a traitor and informing me that I inadvertently chose her ex-husband over family… because I gave him my email address. Apparently I was the easiest of four cousins to pick on.

I thought I was as far into the depression as I could go. I was wrong.

I had hoped that when I came back here that I would have the strength to make it through another semester. That I would have the strength to finish the dissertation. But all I can muster right now, is another ten tons of tears. Barely anyone back east knew that I was coming home to a job I hate and a feeling of isolation. I didn’t put my burden on any of them. But I guess I should have spoken up. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten a phone call.

This past week was hard - my Grandma’s funeral. I realize I could never really return to my life there. Although I am beginning to understand why Pittsburgh always made me both happy and sad. It reminds me of the unrecoverable joys of youth.