I miss my family. alot.

even though we did not do much while they were here, I loved every moment we spent together. As I get older, I realize how important it is to have family in your life. It took a few days for me to adjust to them being here, but after that it was everything I needed.

Too many things are happening in my life that require the happiness and support of my family. And not just from a distance. I need them to hug me when I need a hug, I need to see their smiling faces when they are happy, I need to see just how goofy they are in person - I need their continuous support up close.

I know the solution is for someone to move - but is it really realistic? I don’t know how I am going to handle being this far away when Lam and I go to start a family.

I am heading to Santa Rosa this weekend. I haven’t been there for over 2 weeks. I wonder if the house is going to be clean… I wonder if I am going to watch TV all weekend. I mean, there are at least 3 episodes of “Project Runway” that I haven’t seen…

Mostly I wonder if Winemonkey and I are giong to be okay. While we were living together, he had made some changes to his lifestyle in order to accomodate me. This mostly consisted of not partying so damn much. It seems that now that I am gone, he is reverting back to his old ways. I am not too happy about that, and I am not sure what to do about it. I realize that it is “the holidays” and he has lots of friends in town. I just hope this doesn’t become an issue again.
On a brighter different note, I met Miss P and her little Miss M for tea last night. That little Miss M just steals my heart. She was sleeping when they got there and I picked her up out of her car seat and instead of waking up, she just snuggled into my neck. She is able to stand on her own for a short period of time now and I watched her actually move her feet like she is figuring out how to step. I can’t wait until she is mobile!

Today my grandma and parents are going home. Last night my mom and dad were at my new apartment helping me put up my curtains. I was overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of them leaving. I am sure that I am sad every time that they leave, but this year was harder than most.

As I have said before, this has been the hardest year of my life. And in a few short days, a new year will begin. And although I am filled with hope that 2008 will be a hell of a lot better than 2007, I am also nervous that I am not going to be able to break the cycle. My parents have been amazingly supportive through the thick and thin of it. And having them here for the holidays made me realize, even more than ever, that I want them here.

It isn’t that other people in my life aren’t supportive, but my mom and dad have something special.

I miss them already and they haven’t even left.

My parents & grandma have been here for 1 week now. I haven’t gotten to spend much time with them. It is a shame, but my new job only gives me christmas day off. Makes me miss the teaching days.

I thought that once I moved to Sacramento I would have the time and money to do all of the things I didn’t have time or money to do when I was in school and unemployed. Turns out that isn’t true. It isn’t like I am busy. Or that my social life is that outrageous. To be honest, it is practically non-existent. I wish I could figure this funk out. I miss the old me. I think everyone else does too.