So yeah. Being a plus size has always meant, at least to me, not finding fashionable patterns to make myself clothing. And I kicked and railed against that, making things in sizes too small for myself and then giving them to good will. So sometime last year, I bought Amy Butler’s Lotus Tunic and Dress pattern and decided to take a shot at making it my size.

I was fortunately, or unfortunately I suppose, the same size bigger at the bust, waist, and hips, than the measurements of the X-Large so I could add the same amount of space over the five main pieces of the dress. This project has been a year in the making. I finally cut out the last pieces out of muslin last night and pieced the dress together.

I have to stay, I am surprised. The mock dress, though there are some adjustments to be made, fits. FITS. And that means I can look forward to spending some time tomorrow night fooling with the seams to get the front piece just right before I lay into some real fabric.

Has anyone out there re-sized patterns before? Here is my planned progression: Tackle re-sizing a pattern in English. Move onto re-sizing a pattern in Japanese. Finally, conquer the world. Any advice on the subject matter is graciously welcome.

Stay tuned for pictures of the re-sized Lotus dress.

Where can a girl go to get a little decompression time? This month was hard on the bank account. And that stress of that just makes everything else suck. I’m supposed to be saving for a wedding but this past month I missed my mark. If we hadn’t cashed in the change jars, we would have been well below target.

Where does it go? And why can’t I do a better job? Do I really even do a terrible job? I just want the opportunity to get everything straight. As soon as I felt like there was a fighting chance, I had three days of pay a month taken away from me. It is August and I am already praying for the merit raise I should receive in December. If they even do those anymore.

On top of that, it seems to be getting harder and harder to live this far away from Eric. Our nightly phone conversations are filled with more sadness than ever before. I find myself falling back on old, mean tendencies that I thought I had worked out of my system.

Maybe that’s it. I would just like some of these things to come to me. Because god damn it, it is hard working at it all of the time.

I will say this. The other six drafts of “my pathetic whine” are fortunately sitting in draft form. (i know people have it worse than me.) This one should probably have sat there too, but if I can’t use my blog for cathartic purposes, then what good is my blog?!?

Living in two places is hard. I miss being with Eric. Even with furlough Fridays I still don’t feel like we get enough time together.

I thought it was just me. But Eric feels the same way too.

I typically like being in charge. Especially on projects where I have the control and can surrender portions of it at my discretion. I think I have a good process for the cradle-to-grave project planning and although sometimes I get sidetracked on the execution if I am the only one doing it, I am typically good with divvying up tasks.

I hate being in charge when I am really just the person to blame when the f-ed up system doesn’t produce the results people are expecting.

This leads me to believe that the type of job I should have is an independent one. Like owning my own business. No partners, no upper management. Just me. And then once it gets big enough to warrant an employee, someone to work under me.

On one hand, the thought is exciting. Working at my own pace. Creating with my own hands.

On the other, it is crazy. How could I ever make enough money to survive? How do I even get started?

Lately the dreams of a different career have dominated the larger portion of my days. I wish I could find a way to bring them into fruition.

We have decided on a June wedding. June 5th, 2010 to be exact. So Pennsylvania aunts and uncles start saving up! We are planning on having a small-ish wedding out here and then a big bash out in Pennsylvania. The date for the PA party is not set yet, but we will keep you posted.

As soon as I am settled in my new space, I am going to turn my attention to a few sewing crafts. I recently made a skirt which I think turned out pretty good. So I now have some confidence to move on. I recently purchased these two Japanese sewing books and I can’t wait to see if I can figure it out. I feel like I have been planning for a few weeks now and since I am not just jumping in, the projects might just turn out. What am I going to make out of these lovey books? Well I just am not sure yet.