Things here are changing. I am moving, for what I hope it the last time. Well… the last time until we buy a house. That will be the mother of all last times. But after some crazy fast, but thorough consideration, I have decided to move back home to Santa Rosa. I don’t feel any fanfare with this move. It is going to happen slowly and most likely unceremoniously.

The last time I moved, I had a list of things I was going to miss and things that I was glad to get away from. I can’t make a list like that for this move. Because the only important part of the move is that I am going home. I will be able to walk in the door every night and say, “Hi honey. I’m home.” And I will more times than not, be greeted by a happy little pug that isn’t stretched between two houses. And maybe more times than not, there will be dinner cooking in the kitchen. I will fall asleep and wake up with my two favorites in bed with me. Wait… is this the beginnings of a list?

I know that I talk about the physical demands of emotions. And the phrase, “This is a huge weight off my shoulders” can’t hold more true than it does now. The minute I had the “A-Ha” moment, after sleeplessness, I was able to close my eyes and fall asleep. And even though I greeted the next morning with a tentative hello, because I was now faced with the daunting task of moving, I charge through to work out the logistics.

In a matter of hours I established myself in a carpool that will lessen the amount of driving I will have to do by 50%. It is still going to be grueling. Four hours, no matter how you divide it up, is still a long time to be traveling every day. But even if I crash out every night by 8:30, I still get home at 6. And I will be able to fall into the harmony that a warm home life brings.

Life isn’t always a fairy tale, but at least this feels more like a romantic comedy than a drama.

I haven’t forgotten the sad pathetic remodel of this website. Trust me.

So speaking of which, I used my day off productively. Mostly. Though this website has remained mostly unchanged, the wedding website is growing strong. I also worked on our thank you cards for the wedding and the gift registry just a little.

I am now heading off to send out a couple of thank you notes and voila! So ends a Monday off.

Dear Universe,

When a girl writes a blog post about “never getting a break” your response should not be to cause her puppy to instantly be afflicted with some sort of weird breathing condition. I don’t know if you took a moment to read what I had to say, but money is tight. And a $400 vet bill does not help.

I would appreciate your ceasing and desisting immediately. There are two things my mother always told me:

If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say nothing.

Nobody likes someone who in one hand gives while with the other hand they take away. (we use a very non-PC version of this saying, but this is what I could come up with on such short notice).

Don’t think throwing me an “informal interview” is going to somehow make me forget almost throwing up my wheaties this morning. And don’t think
by sharing a wonderful new friend with me that it somehow makes up for a sick dog.

Can tomorrow be a carefree day please?

Unfortunately at your mercy,

Michie

There is no winning in this lifetime. Is there? With just five short months until the wedding, I am a big fat combination of sad, confused, overwhelmed, and disappointed. Not the best way to start out a new life together.

I am sad because it seems like even though we are going through the motions of getting married, the truth of the matter is that I am still living 100 miles away, working a job that pays the bills. And there doesn’t seem to be a way to fix that. I have applied for many jobs back home and have gotten little outside of a phone call.

I am confused about the whole process of registering. And guest lists. And how do you deal with “inviting them” but not “inviting them”. And this couple can bring their child because you spend tons of time with them and are part of the family. But that couple, you aren’t incredibly close to and their kids ignore you when you see them.

And registering? Could that be more of a pain in the ass? I mean, we don’t need a bunch of shit and the cheap stuff we already have because that is what we can afford. So now we get to try and figure out a spread of goods that have a range in prices so that we don’t get things for the wedding that we don’t need. But there has to be enough variety so that people don’t have to spend a lot of money. And registering for expensive stuff? That just plain sucks. Because what does that say about us if we are registering for a gift that costs $500? That we are selfish and expect a lot from our friends and family?

I am overwhelmed because I have to sit here and figure out the cost of having someone play our wedding for free, but that means 4 more guests at the dinner table because how can you ask a friend of a friend (whom you have recently become better friends with) to play for free but not invite the mutual friends and the player’s wife? Would paying someone to play guitar for the ceremony cost less than $200? Because if I can get a guitar player for less than $200, then we shorten our guest list and save money. This also potentially holds true for the car. And let’s talk tables. I can buy bolts of fabric to cover the tables at about $12 a table (estimating that the table is 10 feet long and we will have 8 tables). And I could probably reuse all of that fabric. OR I can rent table cloths for about the same cost, have no work to do, but nothing to show for the money at the end of the night. And this doesn’t even factor in that we are going to have to rent everything and if we rely on a caterer (still to be determined) will they rent everything but the table linens?

This is why a wedding planner would be worth it. Because I feel like nothing is really cohesive. I feel like if I just keep going, this wedding is going to be plain and boring. I feel like I can’t ask for advice because then I feel like I am being criticized. And then when I decline the advice, I can’t ask that person any more because they just don’t really care (who could blame them, I didn’t listen in the first place).

I am disappointed that our money isn’t going as far as we thought it would. That somehow I didn’t get to live in the dream world where we got to start with a new slate once we got hitched. I guess having a 50’s feel wedding doesn’t include the things that go with a real 50’s wedding… walking into your new house with your new husband. Sharing a household. Being a housewife. There I said it. Housewife. I want to be one… but that is for another post.

Sometimes this tunnel vision can keep positive thought incredibly blurry. Why can’t a girl just get a break every once in a while?

I am still not happy with the design. But the good news is that now I have a little bit of time to work on it. Well… work on it in between when I am working on Christmas crafts.

When will I write something meaningful here? WHEN?!

Just want to break the silence to say that work might just bury me.