Today was a beautiful day. I mean, you can’t ask for more than a sunny 65 degree day in my book. I was also asked for money about 60 times more today than any other day I’ve lived in the city. Not only was I asked for money, but at least one person stopped me to tell me why they were on the street. His story went like this:

Him: I used to work in that building.
Me: *Looking straight ahead thinking “Shit, he knows what building I work in…”
Him: That was until I was attacked by a gang.
Me: *slowing down because how cold is my heart? How can I completely ignore someone who is talking to me? Honestly!*
Him: Boy I sure am hungry.
Me: Sorry I don’t have anything. (Which is true, mostly)

I know that this is going to sound weird, but I don’t like helping the homeless when I am walking to or from work. When I drive somewhere, I am getting into a car and theoretically driving somewhere where they will not be able to follow me. When I am walking, they could easily follow me to work or home and know where I go every single day.

I think this paranoia is something I have to thank my mother for.

Today is my dad’s 60th birthday. I love him and I hope that he had a GREAT day!

It has taken nearly 30 years to be able to tell my father that I think he is a great man. I like hanging out with him. I like talking to him. Like my mother, he is always there for me. And although I tease him about being a bad date because he never calls me back, he always answers when I call.

As I told him, and as you well know, this past year was a doozie. Without him, it would have been impossible. He and my mother, along with a handful of people and a couple of super cute kids, really kept me going day to day. I know that it was hard for him to see me like that and I am glad that he didn’t push me away so that he wouldn’t have to deal with it.

I am still shocked at what a good listener he is. SHOCKED I say.

So here is to my dad. The man I wouldn’t mind my future husband to be just a little bit like.

p.s. thanks for the baby blues.

Today my grandma and parents are going home. Last night my mom and dad were at my new apartment helping me put up my curtains. I was overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of them leaving. I am sure that I am sad every time that they leave, but this year was harder than most.

As I have said before, this has been the hardest year of my life. And in a few short days, a new year will begin. And although I am filled with hope that 2008 will be a hell of a lot better than 2007, I am also nervous that I am not going to be able to break the cycle. My parents have been amazingly supportive through the thick and thin of it. And having them here for the holidays made me realize, even more than ever, that I want them here.

It isn’t that other people in my life aren’t supportive, but my mom and dad have something special.

I miss them already and they haven’t even left.

East to Sacramento that is. I am gearing up for a meeting with my advisor. He wants to see a time line for my disseration. I keep trying to tell him that is a waste of time for me to make these time lines. If I had followed a SINGLE one of them, I would have been done CENTURIES ago. But alas, here I am, still knee deep in dissertation crap and scrambling for air. The only thing I can say is that I look forward to this all being in the past. But I say that all of time.

A few weeks ago my mom told me that her and my dad bet on whether or not I would finish by the end of June. Meaning one had faith that I would finish and one didn’t. And I know which one had the faith and which one didn’t. There was no winning this one. The one that had faith would lose faith when I didn’t finish and the other would already know that I wasn’t going to finish and never had faith to begin with. Which is worse?

Apparently there was something big riding on this bet. And I was pretty pissed that they bet at all and couldn’t figure out why my mom told me in the first place. I am guessing that they think it is taking me so long because I procrastinate. And that has a little to do with it. But it also has to do with a million other things as well.

But that is all the past. (I called my mom to talk about it and she made it clear that they are not dissapointed in me and all of the other things a great mom does when you tell her your feelings are hurt.) Even if I could have finished by the end of June, I wouldn’t have wanted to. See, the beautiful thing about grad school is that they pay me to do this shit. And what with not being able to work the month of August and wondering how I was going to pay all of my bills, stretching it out another month was really the best idea I have had in my entire life. Because even though I don’t work on my dissertation 40 hours a week, I am getting paid like I do. Add that to the part time job that I am working, and you are looking at a girl who might actually accumulate a savings. You read that right, a SAVINGS.

So even if the loser of the bet loses something big, or owes the winner something big, I sleep better at night knowing that I can afford to take my first trip to Las Vegas to meet my parents in August. I sleep better at night, knowing that my rent won’t be late and my bill payments are all on time. And mostly, I sleep better knowing that I won’t have to ask for financial help in the month of August, because I might actually have this money thing under control.