This week’s forecast from Free Will Astology:

While filming an underwater scene for her upcoming movie “Into the Blue,” actress Jessica Alba accidentally found herself in uncomfortable proximity to a shark. Rather than panic and flee, though, she thumped it on the nose, causing it to swim away. I nominate her to be your role model in the coming week, Aquarius. While I don’t expect you to have a literal encounter with a shark, I do expect you to have a brush with a metaphorical version of that creature. The best response will be a metaphorical version of a swift, simple jab delivered with matter-of-fact courage.

LAND SHARK!

(Though deep down I am wondering if this has anything to do with the conversation I had with a former employee of the place where I am considering submitting my resume… and how one needs to find the balance between ego and confidence.)

When rock star Courtney Love asked me for advice about her relationship with rock star Trent Reznor a few years ago, I told her the same thing I’ll tell you now: Empty your brain of everything you think you know about the person who both excites you and drives you crazy. Drop all of your fantasies and projections and expectations. As soon as you do, you will clearly see that person is not a diabolical angel whose main task in life is to rouse your obsessive thoughts, but rather a flawed human being who has only a partial resemblance to what you imagine him or her to be. When you achieve that enlightened state, then and only then will there be even a shred of hope that you two can have an authentic, vital, mutually enriching relationship.

it is just funny that when my life is career focused, my horoscope is career focused and when I am relationship focused, this horoscope is relationship focused.

But mostly I am creeped out that Trent Reznor dated Courtney Love. Why was I not told about this?!?!?! I am mostly shocked and a little – oh I don’t know – grossed out!

And now, after a little googling, I can see that she also dated Edward Norton. For TWO YEARS! Dude, I never thought I would say this, but she is a (mostly) lucky bitch if you ask me.

This was my horoscope last week in the Sacramento News and Review (courtesy of Free Will Astrology):

“Please repeat the following affirmation, first articulated by poet Robert Frost: “I am not confused. I am just well mixed.” Say it aloud at least ten times a day for the next week. It will help you put a positive spin on certain events that might otherwise throw you off balance. Your next medicinal sound bite comes from playwright W.S. Gilbert: “I am rich in never-ending unrest.” This one will encourage you to regard your turbulence as a creative gift, not a pathological distraction.”

I find both of the quotes he picked out to be very appropriate to my life. Especially these past few weeks.

And this week’s forcast:

“A man in Illinois was growing increasingly impatient with his two houseguests. He didn’t like how much crack they smoked, and was hesitant to bring a potential girlfriend home for fear she’d be turned off by the seedy ambiance. Unable to convince the drug-crazed parasites to leave, he resorted to an extreme measure: He set his own house on fire. The ploy worked, in the sense that his house was empty again. Unfortunately, the damage was so extensive that he himself couldn’t live there anymore. Make sure you don’t do anything similar in the coming week, Aquarius. There are lots of effective ways to get rid of a certain annoyance without hurting your own interests.”