I have been making progress on my coconut birthday cake. I am going to try and bake the actual cake tonight. The past two nights I have made homemade coconut extract, homemade coconut milk and coconut cream. So tonight is the cake and maybe the icing although assembly won’t happn until Friday night.

Am I crazy? I still want to try and squeeze the biscotti in. I am sure a few $3 margaritas won’t affect my drive. Ha!

This had taught me the following things about myself:
1. I am suceptible to the power of suggestion.
2. I am the teacher’s pet, even when I am the teacher. It stems back to wanting to be liked. If people my age won’t like me, I get my superiors to like me.
3. For some reason I like the flavor of cough drops.

About a month later, I wasn’t invited over anymore. And my other “friend” told me that I was invited anymore because I ate too much. And she said I was fat.

Since I don’t remember very much about friends before this point in my life, I have to assume this was the first bad experience I had.

The last half of third grade I really didn’t have any friends. This experience has since taught me three things:
1. That friends talk shit about you behind your back and that is just life. Whether they do or not, I will always belief that they do.
2. Whether I am fat or not, that word will always stay with me.
3. I eat too much.

Thank you Jennifer and Betsy for being the beginning the disfunctionality that permeates 95% of my relationships. And for the perpetuation of self-consciousness regarding my size.

But it seems that every time I eat something my stomach gets upset. Mac and cheese? Upset stomach. Soup? Upset stomach. Latte? Upset stomach. I don’t know what my problem is, but I really don’t like it.

Does anyone else experience this?

But what really made this Tuesday hard is that all I wanted was a hamburger. And I just talked myself out of it. I didn’t want to go out alone. And now, I still want that hamburger. It isn’t like I have a problem going out by myself. Just yesterday.

Anyway. Random, yes! But nothing but the truth.

I did manage to remember the pass this morning. However, once I got to work I promptly forgot that I needed to turn it in. So the parking office had to call me.

I have been so wrapped up with my life lately that I haven’t been checked in mentally anywhere. I worry that I am not remembering conversations, sounding uninterested when people are talking to me, not getting work done, and not sleeping very much. I can’t even pinpoint what I am so distracted with. I just hope that once my family gets here I can focus on someone other than me.

By hanging on to every pound of fat, flesh, muscle and water I brought here with me.

Seriously. It kind of sucks.

I don’t know why I am so tired… I think it has to do with the fact that I have somehow gotten out of the habit of taking my thyroid medicine in the mornings like I used to. The main problem is that I am just lazy. It is an extra step in my morning routine and I have all kinds of excuses as to why the medication takes a back burner to everything else. But really. It has to stop.

I also need to start doing yoga again. I have noticed some MAJOR tension in my shoulders and legs and neck. Yoga generally helps. The one hour massage, courtesy of Miss P for my 30th birthday, will also help in the process. I am looking forward to this Friday. Lisa and Lam are going to puppy sit while I get pampered. I think Miss P might already have an appointment that night as well… so maybe I will run into her at the spa. Does that sound snobby? Good. =)