I am spending a lot of time trying to get this place in Sacramento to feel like home. And this weekend, I realized that I don’t HAVE to stay here. I mean, I have to stay unless I have another job opportunity somewhere else. And how does one get a job opportunity? Well, they apply for jobs of course. So I think that I am going to put myself back out on the circuit here and look for something back in Sonoma County. Even though it means I will be moving again. Even though that means my new stuff will have to find a home in our other apartment. Even though sending out resumes is stressful.

Maybe this time will be better than the last.

I just got back from a week of camping with the Padges and Winemonkey. Ever been camping with a three year old? It was fun… reminded me of when I was nanny but with a lot less responsibility. But you are still constantly on. We went to this place called Union Valley Reservoir. The camp was dusty, the weather was perfect, and the water wasn’t so cold you couldn’t stand to be in it. Our first night there, I saw a bear lumbering through our campsite. It was pretty scary because the two children were asleep in the tent. But the bear already stole food from another campsite and our camp was between the food source and his den. It was nice to not think about finding work for a whole week. For some reason I didn’t stress about it at all. Perhaps I should just live in the woods?

After a week without showering, we went over to Porter’s house. It was like a little slice of heaven. Warm shower, soft bed, and the best were toilets that didn’t want to make you gag everytime you went into one. It was a great weekend with their family and I got to see some friends who I don’t see very often. We had a shrimp taco extravaganza. Lisa and lam came over too! It was such a good time. And again, I really don’t remember feeling particularly down at any point during our visit. We played games after dinner and even had time to go to market on Sunday before we headed home.

Today is my first day of work at the winery as their “harvest intern”. I am really looking forward to it, except that I shaved all of the callouses off the bottoms of my heels and it turns out that I had built them up for a reason. So hopefully I will be able to find a pair of shoes that don’t make my feet hurt. Other than that… it’s going to be a great day! We might be getting grapes as early as this week!

Well I have been spending loads of time freaking out over what the future holds for me. For some reason, today I am not feeling the weight of the truth. Maybe it is because I spent an hour talking to my mom and dad last night. This usually doesn’t make me feel better, but this time I think that it worked. My father, who is generally the man telling you to take whatever you can get and be happy about it told me essentially that desperate times called for desperate measures, but that I am a smart, qualified person who shouldn’t take a job that offered $15 an hour that will only carry me to November.

And so that leaves me here hoping that something will come my way. I am getting ready to start the application process for the state. I think that it is crazy what you have to go through in order to be a state employee. But when you are ready to jump through the hoops, I guess you’ve got to jump.

If only I could make wine.

I am sure that this will not be the last time that I hear that. But I hope that I will still get interviews where I can convince wine people that I am not interested in making a lot of money. I am interested in making wine.

But then again, the thought of owning a house… having kids…. and in general being out of debt does sound awfully good too.

Maybe I am interested in making a lot of money, but not sacrificing loving my job.